...this phrase is almost always at the tip of my tongue *make a face and add a shrug for maximum effect.* I got to thinking and over analyzing [as i normally do] about it the other day.
Is this a cop out to NOT try as hard as I should? Do i give up way too easily sometimes and conveniently chuck it up to "it is what it is" or the other popular one "it wasn't meant to be?" There's also the silent "No expectations, No disappointment" thought. You know, that tendency to expect little or nothing so when it doesn't happen you're not disappointed and if it does happen you're pleasantly surprised. That need to not go that extra mile so if it doesn't quite work out you don't feel like too much of a fool cos "hey, u didn't go all out anyways."
I think back on some relationships and i wonder if i could have done something different. Maybe taken that drive down that one time to have a face to face. Or maybe stayed an extra day to talk things over. Or maybe said what i realllly felt. Should i have fought for it/them...even just a little? No, this IS NOT a regret post cos after all "it is what it is" lol. I'm just wondering. Have i become so nonchalant about things that this has somehow become my life's motto? I think of something and try it a couple of times...if it doesn't pan out then "ah well...it wasn't meant to be." Do i really try as hard as i can/could? Oh and there's the whole "Is this a sign from God that this isn't what i'm supposed to be doing/Where i'm supposed to be?" "Maybe God wants me to wait."
....I wish life came with a manual cos it gets pretty frustrating. Granted there are time, alot of times, that there really isn't much i can do about things...sometimes i just wonder. Also, just how many time do i have to hit my head against a wall before i stop and go in another direction? And if the other directions/alternate routes i have taken have greeted me with similar walls?
Where does being realistic/pessimistic end and where does being lazy/lacking motivation begin?? It's all become a blur to me really.
"It's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all".....truth or bullshit? I'm kinda on the fence on this one. Sometimes it makes complete sense to me [Like when i read Nice Anon's last post...I thought "She's gotta be thankful that happened/she got to experience that"] other times it sounds like unadulterated bullshit. What say ye?
"Time heals all wounds"...I call bullshit! You just learn to deal/live with the pain...it does get duller and duller but it's still there.
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"...but there are times when you do that and others DON'T do unto you as you have done unto them and then you get upset...so was it [the act]really noble or selfish?
This post is rather depressing huh? lol. Ah well.
In other Random news--
How are my darling blogites?? Hope you all are doing great. I'm loving all the updates. The interviews are a nice touch to this budding community of ours :). Keep it up!
It's taking me much longer than i thought it would to get to post 100...i had so much fire when i started...i wrote everyday for a whole month [guess that's always the case huh? lol] No, i'm not quitting. If i do, i won't make an annoucement :)
I KAINT believe it is September already!! Chineke!! Blink a few more times and it'll be xmas...chei!
Happy Birthday to all the September babies and a happy new month to all.
Its a holiday weekend for those in the US. Hope you all have fun things planned. I shall be spending mine with fam and trying not to get burned in this heat.
U'all be eazyyy!!
*Muah* w/icecream on waffles
22 comments:
Another first!
Yes it is better to have loved and lost than not at all. But in the end, Que sera sera.
Happy september to you too. We call it ember months in naija, soon December will be here.
Better to have loved ke?
I call total bullshit.
How can u love, lose and then shrug and say at least I loved?
To hell with whoever came up with that saying jo.
Better ko, better ni.
I hate that saying, I swear.
better loved than lost - someone say a BS with me - B-esssssssssssss! lol.
umm Faby love - whoosaaah, lol
Yup time doesnt heal all wounds it just makes it duller and duller.
You couldn't have said it any better.. you deal with the pain.. time helps you deal with it.. to live with it and to let it become a part of you.. Notice i didn't say "run" your life either. The pain is what it is..PAIN! it will always be there but faded with time. It also depends on the individual.
I believe that doing unto others as you'd like them to do unto you works as well because the bible says" God is not mocked, whatsoever you sow that is what you will reap!"
Does this mean good people end up with good people? No! Life is that way but for the most part.. whatever decision we make in life impacts us in the long run that is why it is extremely important to make the right decisions or be able to live with the not so right ones. More like you made your bed now sleep in it
Another thing I will say is this.. I as a person try and give my best in all that i do so that i will look back and say " yeah it was the best i could give" This makes it easier to look back when things don't work out and it gives you that inner peace within. I will also like to add this... when someone is out of love with you.. it doesn't matter what you do.. they will go! If he has stopped loving you there is nothing you can do to bring it back. You just have to let go.
Phewwwwwwww. I just made a mini post here. sorry
better to have loved is bullshit to me.
Its either you love or not and I so support Fabulo-la
I'm sure we all have stuff we wish we could have done differently in the past... Speaking pragmatically though, loving and losing often takes more than one person's decision. I wouldn't beat myself over a lost love. Life happened!
I'm with you for a lil bit, people say a whole lotta bollocks.
That said, I honestly believe (from a lotta personal experience and watching other ppl) one should always put all of him/herself in ANY endeavor you believe in.
I've been known to take my time buying entirely into an idea/concept/person...but once I do, its "full bore flow".
If it crashes later? I then take solace in that I did do my part, then I go "Ah well! whats done is done" complete with a raised brow and shrug and try to move on. Sure some shit hurt but hey...!
That, baby, is living (as opposed to mere existing.
Safe.
Mancee
I sometimes also wonder if I should have made more effort in some cases. I'm way too laidback for my own good. I decided to be different in my present relationship and although some situations still result in me saying, "it is what it is", I wouldn't be guilty of not trying. And I do believe that time heals all wounds..
love in MY opinion, is a one time thing. I think society's shrugged it off like u have into becoming something u can fall in and out of like a pair of jeans. :(
http://say-bleurgh.blogspot.com/
@Myne-- Que sera sera indeed. Thanks babe!
@Fablola-- LNGKM!!! I felt that...I'll be sure to give the person a slap on your behalf if i ever come across em...lol
@Tayne-- I'll say Beee cos sometimes it seems to ring true. lol
@NiceA-- I agree with you...and yep it does depend on the individual
"This makes it easier to look back when things don't work out and it gives you that inner peace within" I agree with this as well. Inshort i agree with your post...very well said.
Nah, i love long comments, no wahala :D
@RedHair-- lol, but soem people that have loved don't regret that they have loved na...to them they are prob thankful for the exp even tho it wasn't forever.
@BaGucci-- Yea, it takes more than one person's decision but dealing with the aftermath is individual...they can either be grateful for it or resent their partner. Life does happen tho' so no need crying over spilt palmwine.
@Mancee-- Yea, that makes sense. Well said. Thanks for stopping by :)
@ButterC-- lol, we might be in the same boat with that 'too laid back' thing. It's good you have taken a different approach this time...that's growth.
@Ony-- I don't get...are you saying people can only fall in love Once and with only one person for duration of their life?? Thanks for breezing thru tho' :)
Thanks people...luh uall like a fat kid luh cake :D
the do unto other part. its just plain stupid and selfish..
how you dey jor
LOL. I actually updated as I saw ya comment. I don miss una for Blogsville sha.
Ummm better to have loved that not loved at all? I say BS. :-D....the people in love will probably disagree sha.
It is what it is- my term too but I do try to stretch it to the extent possible and see if any work can be done before giving up? If I genuinely put real effort and it aint work then it is what it is. *Shrugs*
I do feel you on the life manual though.
Time heals all wounds can be on some BS too. I guess it depends.
I sho won't mind some Icecream and waffles right about now.
They are cliches for a reason.Times does heal all wounds.
I think its just the crap you've had to deal with that has made you develop a thick skin , in this case the nonchalant attitude.
I am exactly the opposite of you, i take things too seriously, i need a chill pill
@ BSNC-- lol. I’m good oh…we thank Jehova! I trust you are keeping well too.
@ Mgbeks—Yea, I think they probably will. I hear you mehn and a lot of time I think I do…I’m just so laid back I dey question myself sometimes. Ah well.
@ ttlolla— U might have a point per the thick skin thing. I’ll send you some chill pill if you send me some serious pill, lol.
LOL @ fabulo-la...na vex? hehehe!!!
well, i think it's berra to have loved and lost than non at all...
that's because it's a principle of life, you can't really dwell or improve on something if you haven't experienced and succeeded/failed...that simple.
you learn from past mistakes and improve...or do you want to tell me why else women think older men are better lovers?
anyways...that laid back thingy...hmm??? no comment!!! LOL
nice post...first time here *wink wink*
it depends on what type of pain. The pain of losing a lost one to death is different to breaking up with a bf/gf.
It is what it!! Life is too short to dwell on things/the past etc
@David-- You have a point on the principle of life bit. I don't necessarily agree that women think older men are better lovers but it would depend on what kind of loving u're talking about lol
Ah, come and comment on the laid back thing na...why stop there?
Thanks for breezing thru :)
@Tigeress-- In varying degrees yes but pain is pain...it gets duller with time IMO
Amen to that!
HA!!!
GET YOUR MIND OUTTA THE GUTTER...
by better lovers, i'm didn't mean youthful exuberance or stamina and all cuz they'd def pick a younger man...LOL
i meant in terms of payin attention to needs, wants...listening and understanding what the woman wants and all that stuff, an older man is probably more suitable because he tends to be more patient, the reason being that it's one of the ways to steal a woman's heart...LOL
as for the laid back thingy, A LAX ATTITUDE PREVENTS YOU FROM SEEING AND SEIZING A PERFECT OPPRTUNITY...
if God doesn't want you to have it, then he def won't give it to you but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try or make some sort of push...some times, HE may want to see if we truely want something and are willin to work to get it or if we will just le it slide...
i didn't read it again...residual knowledge but i hope i made sense... ;)
FURTHER ARGUMENTS SHOULD BE DIRECTED TO...
this has become a mini post...LOL
David--Haha mini post indeed.
Gutter?? Never!! :D
Nice one…wise words! Thanks for taking the time to expatiate.
o my God..am rude! Iv read the thing around y neck..but 2 months ago! Goo book.
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