Jesu mo Juba!!

How on God’s green earth does someone lie in bed, in complete silence and darkness, exhausted, eyes wide shut, and sleepy but CAN’T sleep?? If that ain’t some kind of disorder I don’t know what is. I am TIRED!!! My eyes are burning. I think I’m having a bout of sinus wahala [it’s about that time of the year I guess]. I am home in bed and I Still can’t sleep. Help!!!! :(….[Note to self: pop a sleep pill tonight]. I still haven't told you how bizarre my sleep cycle is huh, bloggy? One day ma worry...

To add to that, my throat feels funny. Feels raw, like I somehow peeled a layer of ‘skin’ in my throat…and my nose is kinda blocked…it’s so uncomfy. This usually happens when I’m about to be “under the weather” and this constant change in weather isn’t helping matters…sigh

**so tell me why in my bout with sleeplessness, I ‘dreamt’ about my ex? I have dreamt it quotes cos I didn’t sleep talkless of sleeping to the point where I can really dream so it was more like a ‘day dream’ betti why was he in my subconscious? :confused:. Incidentally, I can’t remember what it was all about. God help this memory of mine.

It’s my first pay cycle without a check…boohoo!! God’s been good sha I’ve been getting random checks from different places. Oba bi olorun kosi.

I need divine direction oh God. Do I wait on these people to make up their minds? Cos it’ll really be easier to stay with them but for how long do I wait? Especially when it’s not like anything is guaranteed. Or do I actively hit the ‘streets’ and see what I can find out there? I’m reaching out and talking to people but I haven’t gone all out yet. “Unto Thee oh Lord”…I need serious direction. I’ll miss this lappy if/when I have to give it back sha…

Speaking of God. Am I the only one who has a REALLY hard time studying the word? I’m on the computer at least 12 hours in a day if not more and I’d rather F5 the random useless sites I visit than go biblegateway.com and do some kind of bible study. I told myself I was going to make a schedule and get back on it…I’ve had one of those bible study pages on that site opened for a couple of days now and I’m yet to complete the first study. Why is it so hard now?? Back in my younger-on-fire-for-Jesus days I didn’t mind bible study. Matter of fact I was a memory verse queen…okay princess! :o. Even up until a couple of years ago I used to have bible study/devotion quite often. Now, it’s like @$%$#%$%...I know I’ve been incredibly blessed and I feel guilty and bad that I don’t acknowledge God’s hand in/on my life as I should. Yes, I try and say some kind of words of prayer a lot of times through the course of my day or/and night but even that just feels patronizing…

I think my problem is that I’m waiting to ‘feel’ like it or I’m waiting for some wave of motivation. I know it’s not going to come cos if it was that easy then everyone would love to pray and study just like that…after all the word does say ‘the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.’…I shall press on regardless…baby steps!!

**Thru it all tho' i am always eternally grateful to God. Even when i have nothing to say or when i know not how to pray...i am able to and always give thanks to God...hence the title.

Oh did I tell you I colored my hair? Yep, a demi-permanent blue black...I think it looks much better than the ashy brown I had going on before. I think I’m going to braid my hair at the end of the month…not sure what kind of hair yet tho’ [btw that my hairdresser didn't do a good job with my 'fro at all mehn...looking like a carpenter cut it mshcewwww!!! lol okay its not that bad betti...]

First wedding of the year is in a couple of weeks. I haven’t decided if I’m going yet. If I can will myself to go find a dress and I find one [big miracle] then I’ll go, if not, ah well…

I’ve been a day behind all week long. Like I keep thinking today is Thursday. I came back home on Monday but so? Weird!!

Dude, it must be freaking puberty all over again abi why the fudge do I have pimples and blackheads on one side of my face??…and they are the kind that hurts!! What the heck? The right side of my face looks like a friggin porcupine lol. I’m not even sure what to use to combat the bloody things…I’ve been wanting to try Clinique so maybe I will.

“Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative”—just heard that on the news. I should take a leaf from that book.



Laters bloggy

*Muah*